Free viagra!

Dear Scrubbers,

Sorry once again for my delayed post and my continued absence. I have unfortunately, been urrr, busy, on very important independent research, one might say. Strictly professional ofcourse, I would do anything to advance the field of medicine.

I recently learned of a beautiful town, in a beautiful country, which has become paradise on earth. A utopia of happiness, men and women, in harmony, at one with each other and at one with their desires.

This town, ofcourse, is in the promised land of Brazil - and the stimulant - viagra! Yes, the elderly population, are signing up for free viagra, free viagra, free viagra!! To qualify, you need to be over the age of 60 - And the result, let me tell you, is amazing.

As I drove into the town, there were beams of smiling faces on every pensioner in the town, sunshine in the rain. As I strolled around the cobbled streets, many of the elderly brazilian babes would flash winks at me (I thought they were having strokes!) and would smile a toothless cheeky grin. A couple of randy ladies motoring around with zimmer frames rushed up to me, and to my suprise and delight, flashed their breasts in my direction. They then dissapeared into the distance at high speed laughing like school girls - I never knew zimmer frames could move so fast!

Ofcourse, as an independent observer of this amazing utopia, I had to get involved. As a famous elderly statesman of England, the town offered me a place on their regime. Having been given the viagra, I was shown into a very pretty town building, where there was music and laughter.

And inside, I spent hours, upon hours, of endless merry making, wine, music, and orgies, amazing orgies with beautiful brazillian pensioners. I was in heaven.

Ofcourse, there is a dark side to this heaven - a nasty dark side. Strewn throughout the streets and corners, on the pavements and roads, are hundreds or multicoloured, used and abused condoms, littering this picturesque town. The elderly, however, are just too happy to care! And I dont blame them!

Following this research, I will be making my recommendations to the British Government, on how to achieve this paradise on our shores. Perhaps our beloved Queen, can be the official spokesman for free Viagra in the elderly. Boy, would I like to hit that tight piece of ass!



Your very excited prof, signing off!

A urine sample positive in asparagus

Dear Scrubs,

I apologise for the agonising time between my posts. As Im sure you are aware, I am a busy professor with much underhand business and pretty lady friends to attend to. You understand where my priorities lie.

Let me tell you all a fact I recently discovered. I was out wining and dining one my many young lady friends at quite a fancy restaurant that had a delicacy for asparagus. Well, I did manage to comsume quite a portion of this fine vegetable along with much liquor (as did my young naive friend). Later that night, during urination, to my shock, I noticed quite a pungent smell to my urine. Ofcourse, naturally, obviously, I became worried about possible urinary tract infections, or worse still, an STD. Curse me for being so popular with my female students.

Any how, I gave a sample of my urine for analysis the next morning, and to my delight, it was as clean as a bell. Which got me pondering, why did my urine smell so foul...?

A few sleepless nights (not with women) later, I discovered the answer. The answer, my scrubs, is in the asparagus I was eating!

Asparagus, as I am sure you all know, is filled with sulfur-containing amino acids that break down during digestion into six sulfur-containing compounds. These can impart a unique smell to urine as they are excreted. It appears to occur in about 50% of the population! It is the same sulphur smell of the skunks in the back of my garden!

So do not wory folks, the asparagus syndrome is not a pathalogical condition, entirely normal infact. Your professor is fit and healthy - I can indeed go back safely to my promiscuous ways, for now at least!

I have started using the following treatment when I get a bout of asparagus urine. It works well but I woudnt recommend it for the faint hearted! It has distrubing effects! More later!

Yours with dysuria,
Prof