Someone spiked my Christmas pudding!

Dear Merry Scrubs,

I feel so violated and abused. Someone has taken advantage of me - to torment me or to have their wicked way with me, I am not sure. I don't know what happened. I can hardly remember anything of last night.

Now please don't misunderstand me, I can usually handle my Christmas Pud. I can normally take 5 or 6 Christmas Pud's, one after the other after the other. I don't need to chew, I just suck and swallow. I am certainly not a light weight when it comes to my Puds! There is nothing more fulfilling then a Christmas Pudding downed with half a jug of brandy.

Last night however, something bizarre happened. There I was, enjoying my Christmas feast beautifully cooked by Mrs Scrub, laughing merrily with friends and family. As I gulped at my 8th XMas Pud, I started to feel odd. I developed odd sensations in my fingers and toes, tingling and pins/needles. This was followed by rigors, acute abdominal pain, vomitting profusely. Then I screamed "I cant feel my legs, I cant feel my legs".

The room became blurred, colours everywhere, lights flashing. I saw a grotesque image of Mrs Scrub, face deformed and arms floating above her head, fingers pointing at me. She was cackling - evil piercing laughs screaming through my ears.

And then blank, what happened next? I have no idea, its all a blur. All I know is that my head really hurts this morning.

Yours groggily,
Professor Scrub

The menopause beer

Dear middle aged Scrubs,

Fantastic news!!

The prof has stumbled on a cure for the menopause! One of my esteemed colleagues and good friends, Prof Burcsky from Czechoslovakia, has invented a beer that relieves the horrible symptoms of the menopause.

Prof Burcsky cleverly worked out that if you fill the beer with oestrogens, lots and lots of oestrogens, it will help women with menopausal symptoms. And whats more - it increases bone density.

Yes yes, this could solve everything! I just need Mrs Scrub to drink this beer and success! No more whining, no more violent mood swings, no clattering of pans and shot glasses thrown at my head. No more tossing and turning at night, no more brooding. No more phantom periods, no more loss of libido!

Yes yes, the prof could be back in business here with Mrs Scrub. Alcohol and oestrogen mix - the perfect combination!

Now, how do I get her to drink up?! Any ideas?

Yours excitedly,
Prof.

Source: http://www.cee-foodindustry.com/news/ng.asp?n=68117-beer-czech-republic-functional

The indigo children

Dear Scrubs of the World,

My mother thought I was an indigo child. Perhaps that is why I remained on the breast til the age of 5. I don't know. Perhaps that why she did not toilet train me. "Pee where you like professor, pee like the wind" she used to tell me. And so I did, I pee'd where I wanted, and when I wanted.

I never got punished. Not for setting fire to the house, nor throwing the goldfish out of the window. I was never told off, just smiled at and encouraged. "Your an Indigo Child my precious, you are at one with nature". And that is how I grew up, free from rules, boundaries or discipline.

Maybe that is why today, I still feed from the breast, from any breast I can get my hands on. And maybe, thats why, I still pee where I like, and often poo. In the neighbours garden, under the street lamp, in the museums. It just comes to me and I cannot help it.

Mother, you made me what I am today, and I too, now truly believe, I am an Indigo child.

Scrubs, if you dont know what an indigo child is: Indigo children is a term used within the New Age movement to refer to children who are alleged to possess paranormal attributes such as the ability to read minds.

I have such amazing paranormal activity that I attract attention wherever I go, I achieve greatness with every act I commit - and it is why the ladies keep flocking to me - I cannot help it - I am blessed.

Your bright star,
Prof Scrub