The death penatly

Dear Blood Thirsty Scrubs,

The prof can only express his displeasure at the latest current events in Iraq, in particular the use of the gruesome death penalty. However, we can use this moment to look upon some of the more crazier and vile execution techniques mankind has invented to inflict the same deadly outcome. Here is my top 5 vomit inducing execution techniques:

5. Brazen Bull

The brazen bull is an execution device designed in ancient Greece. The concept is simple: put a man inside the body of a metal bull, slowly heat the bull's belly with a gentle flame and a few hours later, we have a nicely roasted human corpse. Indeed, the design of the bull was such that the smoke would gently evaporate from the bull's horns and the victim's screams would be transformed into a bull grunting.

Beware of greeks bearing gifts, in particular, animal related gifts - horses or bulls!




4. Sawing

Homosexuals, women pregnant with the devil's child or adulterous men were treated with this agonizng fate. This ancient practice took place in the middle east and the Roman Empire, references also made in the Bible.

One is hung upside down, legs srpead out wide. Then a saw is used to cut the victim apart down the middle, from the genitals to the head. As the head is hanging upside down, the brain recieves a blood supply for the longest possible time.



3. The snake pit

Well this is self explanatory but as the Prof has a morbid fear of snakes, it enters my top 5. Throw the victim into a pitful of venomous snakes and let the snakes do the rest. Reminds me very much of Indiana Jones and a scantily dressed female screaming together.



2. Impalement

Rather disgusting - the victim is impaled on a long stake, either from the side, mouth or rectum! The stake is left in the ground and the victim left impaled in the air.

Apparently to achieve the longest possible death, one must impale the body from the rectum and aim towards the right shoulder, thus avoiding any damage to the heart.




1. Disemboweling

This is the most sickening as it reminds me of my days in theatre as a young scrub, holding the retractors for hours during some colorectal operation. This particular execution technique involves removing some or all of the organs from the abdominal cavity and letting nature do the rest.


I am proud to say that in England, we took this method to new heights. We developed the "hung, drawn and quartered" technique, where we were not satisfied with just one method of execution! This method involved slowly hanging a man, disemboweling him, followed by decapitation and slicing the body into quarters.

Puts a tear in my eye, God save the Queen.

Now Scrubs, whats your favourite execution technique? Post your favoured execution technique in the comments section.

Let me know whilst I regurgitate my breakfast.

Yours nauseated,
Prof Scrub

This entry was posted by Prof Scrub, on Friday, January 05, 2007. You can leave your response.