Free vouchers for the druggies!

Dear Drug Addicts,

Please stop harassing me and my family. I have grown tired of you loitering, lurking and plotting on my well respected street corner. I am sick of the incessant noises, arguments and shouting arising from your filthy mouth traps at all times, during night and day.

I am angry at the numerous break-ins to my luxury apartment and the theft of all my belongings. I am equally frustrated with the police for ignoring my continued pleas to remove you beggars from our neigbourhood, despte the riisng crime rate.

I am extremly irate the way you leer, slur and drool over the women of our residence, in particular, the way you eye up all the women except Mrs Scrub - is she not attractive enough to at least deserve some unwanted attention? I do feel insulted that my wife does not recieve your lustful gaze and untoward remarks.

Drug addicts of my street, what annoys me the most is that despite myself being a former drug addict, the prices you charge me for a gram of whizz poppers is absolutely extortionate. I maybe a well-to-do Professor in a posh part of town but I know the street price for bang, crack and weed and I expect a fair price.

I gather now the government will be issuing you with shopping vouchers as an incentive to quit drugs. Well, greedy drug addicts, I have collected quite a few vouchers for you as an incentive to leave my peaceful neighbouhood. Please kindly accept my collection of £2 off for Pampers nappies, ASDA tokens, 10% of your next purchase at HMV and a £1 off any sale at Amazon.co.uk - this could all be yours, if you leave my damn street or if you finally give me a good price on some smoke.

Your generous, voucher giving, ex druggie,
Prof Scrub

This entry was posted by Prof Scrub, on Saturday, January 27, 2007. You can leave your response.