The Fantastic Letters Of Prof Scrub: Hybrid human research

Hybrid human research

Dear scientific Scrubs,

I write to you to declare my dissapointment in the government's decision to halt work on human and animal embryoligical research and cloning. It is another step backward in our charge forward to save mankind from the suffering and disability of disease.

The creation of hybrid human-animal embryos is not a new concept, it is not even an old concept, it is an ancient concept. It should not be seen as unethical or challenging to ones morales, this human-animal clone is a dream we humans have strived to achieve for centuries.

Here is just a molecule of evidence to prove my point:

Although not quite an animal-human hybrid, I believe this should be our ultimate goal:

Do you see Scrubs? The possibilites are endless! I am very excited, we may one day fulfil the imagination and dreams of our forefathers and the generations before them! Now, we must convince the government to let us continue. One day we will create a super race of fantastic super strong, super intelligent hybrids, and I, Professor Scrub, will be their leader!

Yours all powerful,
Prof Scrub

This entry was posted by Prof Scrub, on Sunday, January 07, 2007. You can leave your response.

Shinga | 3:41 PM |

Dear Prof. Scrub,

I work with people with breathing disorders. It is not unusual for people to tell me that they are drinking super-oxygenated water or adding a supplement to their drinking water to help them improve their oxygenation which is only 97-98%.

I have been talking people out of drinking the water or taking these supplements. Have I failed to notice that they are hybrids who are capable of absorbing oxygen via their digestive system?

Yours, feeling somewhat foolish and unobservant - Shinga

Prof Scrub | 4:26 PM |

Dear aquarium owner,

As we evolved from fish, I am no doubt sure some of us still have gills in our stomach for super effeciency oxygen absorbtion.

I have submitted a proposal to the human-animal hybdrid research team to consider creating a human with more prominent gills, so that we may become amphibians again.

Useful for the looming global warming crisis,

Hope this was helpful,
Prof.

Sid Schwab | 4:43 PM |

I rather like picture #1, and if I thought I could avoid the snakes....

Iain MacBain - or maybe not!!?? | 9:48 PM |

I myself am actually a hybrid, although I do not usually admit this. My mother was a human and my father was a bear. My birth has always been concidered a miricle in my family.

I have huge paws and feet and teeth that can rip through the flesh of small rodent with surprising ease. The most obvious thing I inherited from my Pa however was a sore head which is especially evident early in the morning.

While being researched in the lab they implanted some DNA from a chimp which I think may explain why I tend to have flees. Let the research continue.

There are enough hybrid types living on council estates throught the land to show the futility of trying to prevent this.Although they are, admittedly, mostly animal and ferrel they must be good for something.

Or is that me talkins pi** again?

Prof Scrub | 10:16 PM |

Dear Sidney,

Agreed - I too would risk life and limb for that sexy creature. A few snake bites would actually be quite titillating.

Your slithering prof
Prof Scrub

Dear Bear boy,

How fascinating. How fascinating indeed. Do you use these powers practically? Do you better mankind with your supernatural gift?

If not, I propose you join me in my fight against Yersinia Pestis. Your rodent ripping teeth could help me fight the disease. More information about my mission here:

http://www.scrubbingup.com/blogs/profscrub/2006/11/bubonic-plague.html

Look forward to hearing from you,
Yours expectantly,
Prof Scrub

Iain MacBain - or maybe not!!?? | 5:11 AM |

Hmmm. I couldn't get the link to the particular posr but will try to answer the general question.

Yes, I use these gift to my best, or is that beast, ability. The cuddlyness afforded to me by the bear aspect helps hugely when dealing with the younger child.Similarly elderly patients with altzhimers or dementia seem to look on me with a glint of fond recollection; possibly reminiscent of their first favourite toy. It is not unusual for these two extreems of age to look at me and laugh. I seem to have a similar effect on those of ages in between too.

On the flip side I also do a pretty good Paddington Bear stare when required. Infact one of the high points of the last 12 months is to get one of our regular alcoholics, who phones us to amuse his alcoholic mates, to hate me. Now when he sees that it's me thats at his door he tells me to F off and never come back. This saves the NHS around £1000 a go. I'd be better paid if this is what I did for a living.

Having parasites living on my thick back hair also means that there is the opertunity of passing these on to the Chavs/jakies/Pikies etc. in society. This gives them a purpose in life and makes their existance meaningfull.

I'm pretty comfortable with my contribution, especially the rodent eating bit.

Iain MacBain - or maybe not!!?? | 5:16 AM |

As an asside I'd like to let you know that I was once enguaged to the woman in picture one. She's a psychiatric nurse and although she is beautifull, dont. Just dont, the snakes are, ultimatly, the best bit.

The Angry Medic | 9:45 AM |

A well put argument, Prof. After all if even the gods and the godlike are in favour of human-animal hybrids, then there must be absolutely nothing wrong with them. What a bunch of thickheads the government has in that committee.

And yes, pic 1 was very...intriguing. Are you sure about that snakes bit, Iain old boy?

Shinga | 3:41 PM |
Dear Prof. Scrub,

I work with people with breathing disorders. It is not unusual for people to tell me that they are drinking super-oxygenated water or adding a supplement to their drinking water to help them improve their oxygenation which is only 97-98%.

I have been talking people out of drinking the water or taking these supplements. Have I failed to notice that they are hybrids who are capable of absorbing oxygen via their digestive system?

Yours, feeling somewhat foolish and unobservant - Shinga
Prof Scrub | 4:26 PM |
Dear aquarium owner,

As we evolved from fish, I am no doubt sure some of us still have gills in our stomach for super effeciency oxygen absorbtion.

I have submitted a proposal to the human-animal hybdrid research team to consider creating a human with more prominent gills, so that we may become amphibians again.

Useful for the looming global warming crisis,

Hope this was helpful,
Prof.
Sid Schwab | 4:43 PM |
I rather like picture #1, and if I thought I could avoid the snakes....
Iain MacBain - or maybe not!!?? | 9:48 PM |
I myself am actually a hybrid, although I do not usually admit this. My mother was a human and my father was a bear. My birth has always been concidered a miricle in my family.

I have huge paws and feet and teeth that can rip through the flesh of small rodent with surprising ease. The most obvious thing I inherited from my Pa however was a sore head which is especially evident early in the morning.

While being researched in the lab they implanted some DNA from a chimp which I think may explain why I tend to have flees. Let the research continue.

There are enough hybrid types living on council estates throught the land to show the futility of trying to prevent this.Although they are, admittedly, mostly animal and ferrel they must be good for something.

Or is that me talkins pi** again?
Prof Scrub | 10:16 PM |
Dear Sidney,

Agreed - I too would risk life and limb for that sexy creature. A few snake bites would actually be quite titillating.

Your slithering prof
Prof Scrub

Dear Bear boy,

How fascinating. How fascinating indeed. Do you use these powers practically? Do you better mankind with your supernatural gift?

If not, I propose you join me in my fight against Yersinia Pestis. Your rodent ripping teeth could help me fight the disease. More information about my mission here:

http://www.scrubbingup.com/blogs/profscrub/2006/11/bubonic-plague.html

Look forward to hearing from you,
Yours expectantly,
Prof Scrub
Iain MacBain - or maybe not!!?? | 5:11 AM |
Hmmm. I couldn't get the link to the particular posr but will try to answer the general question.

Yes, I use these gift to my best, or is that beast, ability. The cuddlyness afforded to me by the bear aspect helps hugely when dealing with the younger child.Similarly elderly patients with altzhimers or dementia seem to look on me with a glint of fond recollection; possibly reminiscent of their first favourite toy. It is not unusual for these two extreems of age to look at me and laugh. I seem to have a similar effect on those of ages in between too.

On the flip side I also do a pretty good Paddington Bear stare when required. Infact one of the high points of the last 12 months is to get one of our regular alcoholics, who phones us to amuse his alcoholic mates, to hate me. Now when he sees that it's me thats at his door he tells me to F off and never come back. This saves the NHS around £1000 a go. I'd be better paid if this is what I did for a living.

Having parasites living on my thick back hair also means that there is the opertunity of passing these on to the Chavs/jakies/Pikies etc. in society. This gives them a purpose in life and makes their existance meaningfull.

I'm pretty comfortable with my contribution, especially the rodent eating bit.
Iain MacBain - or maybe not!!?? | 5:16 AM |
As an asside I'd like to let you know that I was once enguaged to the woman in picture one. She's a psychiatric nurse and although she is beautifull, dont. Just dont, the snakes are, ultimatly, the best bit.
The Angry Medic | 9:45 AM |
A well put argument, Prof. After all if even the gods and the godlike are in favour of human-animal hybrids, then there must be absolutely nothing wrong with them. What a bunch of thickheads the government has in that committee.

And yes, pic 1 was very...intriguing. Are you sure about that snakes bit, Iain old boy?