Shetty and the intellectually challenged but beautiful Goody

Dear Miss Sexy Shetty,

I would like to express my disgust at your treatment in the Big Brother house. I find it appalling the verbal teasing and racial torment you have received. Please let me reassure you, Miss Shetty, that the good and honourable members of the Great British Public are not racist or have anything against the fine Indian race and certainly nothing against such a fine woman as yourself.

Oh dear Miss Shetty, please believe me when I say, you are not a poppadom. You will never be a poppadom in my eyes but rather, a fine fluffy chappati made at the finest Indian restaurant with the most exquisite herbs and spices from your rich land.

We Great British people appreciate your race and all the brown people in this multicultural country of ours. We cherish the multitude of kebab shops and all those wonderful aromas from the curry houses. We love the facility of our local corner shops where one can find bargains upon bargains of soon to be out of date goods. We are delighted by the wonderful colours and patterns of the Indians people dress, glittering and glamouring even in our bleakest weather. We certainly appreciate the beautiful sari's and the midriffs exposed underneath. We are eternally thankful for the tireless work of the Indian Taxi drivers, safely transporting us home after our drunken nights out. And if we are too drunk to go home, many thanks to the fine Indian doctors who single handedly run the NHS caring for all us vomiting English patients.

Dear Miss Shetty, please let me be the first to welcome you to the UK and please think highly of us. We are not a racist nation and we love you, Miss Shetty, for everything you are. We are forever grateful for you and your kind.

Your number one fan,
Professor Scrub.



Dear Miss Goody,

I never believed it possible but I would like to richly commend you for your actions. It is amazing and inspiring how a woman like yourself, with such a small intellect and narrow view of the world, can attract such worldwide media exposure.

To be vilified by so many worldwide, to have mass protests against your very name is something of an achievement for one so dumb. I must congratulate you on obtaining this infamous attention and catapulting yourself into the limelight once again.

Despite your rather large and rounded physique and your obvious low IQ, I find myself rather attracted to you and your absurdity. Your common upbringing, low self esteem and shallow views of other people are all extremely enticing. I certainly have a lot to learn from you and I can only hope that one day I may achieve such worldwide stardom like yourself, even if I am hated by millions. Please will you let me know the secret to your stardom or stupidness?

Dear Jade Goody, will you please go out with me, I would like to wine and dine you in fine Pizza Hut restaurants, perhaps rent a Blockbuster video and share a romantic night in on my Sofa. Dear Jade, I want to share my world with you and you to share your world with me.

Your number one fan,
Professor Scrub

This entry was posted by Prof Scrub, on Saturday, January 20, 2007. You can leave your response.