Ban on junk food ads!

Dear obese children,

Stand up and unite - fight for your fatty rights! Stand up and be counted and be weighed! Use the full force of your pounds to some use for a change rather then just loaf at home whining about being hungry.

You have every right to eat what you like and be as fat, porky and as chubby as you please. Most of all, you have a fundamental human right to watch all the fun junk food ads there are on TV. They are a source of delight and humour in an otherwise dry collection of ads for car insurance, legal "no win no fees" scams and baby nappies.

I too love junk food ads. They are some of my favourite ads and I like to sing along to the tunes. I tap my feet, bounce on the sofa and hum away to all those classic ads. If we have a ban on junk foods, I fear I will lose many TV friends that I have developed over my life. Where will they go? Who will look after them. We will lose friends such as:

Tony - he's grrreeaaaaatttt



Big Ron - I often dress like him on my weekend off.



The big man himself, the cuddly honey monster



And who could forget this big eared baffoon:



I will miss them all terribly unless you useless fat children stand up and roll your weight against the government!

The prof would rather have a bowl of co-co pops,
Prof Scrub

Slap me baby one more time

Dear bald Britney,

Britney, your head is such a slapper and like it. I like it a lot. There is nothing that is more appealing then a shiny slapper. You maybe going through a rough patch but this hairstyle is definitely a positive step. It will attract the right crowd, the more sophisticated guy who has a deep desire for the freakish girl. I would love to massage your head, I would love to stroke it, and mostly, I would love to play your head like a bongo drum, maybe to the tune of "Slap me baby one more time".

Baby Spears, please don't grow your hair long again. If you do however, decide to go against my advice and regrow those locks, I have some ideas for you for future hair styles. I hope you consider them seriously.

Your slap happy Prof,
Prof Scrub

Good luck! It could be you!

Dear lottery hopefuls,

I would just like to wish all you lovely young scrubs and scrubettes who have entered this years MTAS lottery the best of luck. It must have been a deeply stressful, mind numbing and demeaning process this past two weeks. Congratulations to all those who succesfully battled the boggling questions, the confusing guidelines and the temperamental website to submit an application on time.

I am sincerely hopeful you all hit the jackpot but I am saddened to say I think many doctors will end up with even less than the bus fare home. Some lucky doctors may succesfully guess 3 correct balls and win ten pounds but I think the rest of the jackpot will rollover to the next draw in 2008.

But alas, stay positive my young apprentices, these time honoured phrases spring to mind: "he who dares, wins" , "youve got to be in it to win it" and "every hole's a goal".

And if you are really down, you will always have your loyal professor to cheer you on,

Your cuddly wuddly lucky mascot,
Professor Scrub

PS - You can't beat a bit of Bully