The Norovirus strikes!

Dear 3 million UK victims of the norovirus,

Let me offer my deepest sympathies for all those affected by this dreaded, vile and ghastly bug. I know the pain you are enduring. I too, my dear infected friends, have been struck down by this evil creature. It is a punishing, spirit destroying and asshole ripping ordeal. The vomitting! The diarrhoea! The pungent odour that fills my infected nostrils! I am no longer able to wear my favourite Y-Fronts with an image of Her Majesty the Queen on the backside for fear of leaving a brown streak across her beautiful royal cheek.

I do so hope this turmoil will end so I can lead a normal and sexually promiscuous life again rather then chained to the ceramic seat of my unforgiving toilet. In fact, I write this very letter as I sit on the throne, defaecating painfully a river of muddy, watery, norovirus infested faeces.

Yours, unhappily sitting on the bog,
Prof Scrub.

This entry was posted by Prof Scrub, on Sunday, January 13, 2008. You can leave your response.