Promote Global Warming Campaign

Dear readers,

I am pleased to announce that it has been officially proven that global warming will save lives. I am most pleased and am now very much looking forward to the rise in our planet's temperature.

The clever scientists have suggested that although the heatwaves and ridiculously gorgeous temperatures in the UK may kill off the odd few thousand people, the wonderfully mild winters will save many from freezing to to death as they do currently. As an added bonus, the high temperatures will mean there will be more scantily clad women on the streets of the UK as they combat the heatwave.

As we will now have a net gain of lives saved and under dressed women on the street, I am very optimistic for the future and will now be campaigning for the "Promote Global Warming Campaign". It will be very easy to get involved. Here are a few tips which I have already started practising myself:

1. Leave all the lights on in the house.
2. Constantly turn your television on and off in the house.
3. Goto nearby food outlets and leave the taps running in the bathrooms.
4. Leave your heating on and your windows wide open
5. Eat only frozen foods
6. Buy a diesel car and drive around aimlessly.
7. Have baths 3 times a day.
8. Use your hosepipe to water the grass in the rain.
9. Buy only bright light bulbs, not energy efficient dim useless ones.
10. Beat up and gag any anti-global warming activist - then educate them appropriately.

All these solutions maybe costly but if we are saving lives, it is worth every penny. Any further suggestions to this campaign would be most welcome. Please promote global warming and save lives today!

Your environmental activist,
Prof Scrub

This entry was posted by Prof Scrub, on Wednesday, February 13, 2008. You can leave your response.