The Fantastic Letters Of Prof Scrub

Say no to orals!

noreply@blogger.com (Prof Scrub) — Sun, 17 Feb 2008 16:51:00 +0000

Dear Qualifications and Curriculum Authority,

I entirely agree with the proposals that oral tests should be banned from foreign language examinations. Our poor school children are under far too much stress as it is . These "speaking assesments" in a language they are learning is just too unfair for these hard working kids.

The amount of pressure involved in oral examinations is unbearable and these students are often scarred for life with such terrible memories, often breaking into a tremendous sweat when thinking of how to say "hello", "how are you?" and "where is the train station" in French or German.

I cannot imagine such psychological trauma these young humans must endure to pass these examinations - it was so much easier in my day. I would never trade in my 12 hours a day in the coal mine as a 14 year old boy for these horrendous examinations. Spending every weekend shining shoes in the town centre (and being spat on) sounds a much more pleasant experience for a youngster then these ridiculous stressful examinations.

I truly fear for our future if our society continues to put so much stress on our talented youth. Please abolish these exams as soon as possible.

Prof Scrub.

These images of myself as a youngster just highlight how much easier it was for me then the stressed children of today. Oh what a wonderful childhood I had.

Promote Global Warming Campaign

noreply@blogger.com (Prof Scrub) — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 20:25:00 +0000

Dear readers,

I am pleased to announce that it has been officially proven that global warming will save lives. I am most pleased and am now very much looking forward to the rise in our planet's temperature.

The clever scientists have suggested that although the heatwaves and ridiculously gorgeous temperatures in the UK may kill off the odd few thousand people, the wonderfully mild winters will save many from freezing to to death as they do currently. As an added bonus, the high temperatures will mean there will be more scantily clad women on the streets of the UK as they combat the heatwave.

As we will now have a net gain of lives saved and under dressed women on the street, I am very optimistic for the future and will now be campaigning for the "Promote Global Warming Campaign". It will be very easy to get involved. Here are a few tips which I have already started practising myself:

1. Leave all the lights on in the house.
2. Constantly turn your television on and off in the house.
3. Goto nearby food outlets and leave the taps running in the bathrooms.
4. Leave your heating on and your windows wide open
5. Eat only frozen foods
6. Buy a diesel car and drive around aimlessly.
7. Have baths 3 times a day.
8. Use your hosepipe to water the grass in the rain.
9. Buy only bright light bulbs, not energy efficient dim useless ones.
10. Beat up and gag any anti-global warming activist - then educate them appropriately.

All these solutions maybe costly but if we are saving lives, it is worth every penny. Any further suggestions to this campaign would be most welcome. Please promote global warming and save lives today!

Your environmental activist,
Prof Scrub

Ban the Buzz! Anti-Teen device!

noreply@blogger.com (Prof Scrub) — Tue, 12 Feb 2008 19:25:00 +0000

Dear Teenagers,

Let me offer my sympathy and wholehearted support in your plight against this nasty, immoral and beastly device! This cruel, sonic radiating, ear piercing anti teen device is a monstrosity and an absolute outrage that our society treats its teenagers this way.

I agree wholeheartedly that this device is inhumane and non specific, affecting innocent and well meaning teens uneccesarily. Our society surely needs a better way to deal with its problems.

I rather like the idea of tackling our antisocial teenagers head on. I would like to face our disruptive teens face to face, man on man, woman on woman. I would like our elders to gather in our gangs and fight these hoodlums in the streets in a battle for control. Knives on knives. Guns on guns. I believe a fair battle to the death is the only sensible way to disperse the bad teenagers from the good ones.

The anti-teen device is too non specific, but a knife wound in the kindeys of the teen ring leader is exceptionally accurate and does a much better job.

I once again will campaign on your behalf in attempting to ban this ghastly machinery.

Your teen loving friend,
Prof scrub

Amy Winnerhouse!

noreply@blogger.com (Prof Scrub) — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 17:55:00 +0000

Dear Crackhead Amy,

Congratulations! I am so proud of you - five Grammy awards! I am utterly speechless and beyond belief. It is just so wonderful that we have a British born star succeeding in every aspect of her career. When I heard the news I was overcome with tears of joy - you are an inspiration to us all. Your unparalleled success is phenomenal and I hope you continue to entertain us for many years to come.

You are indeed an asset to our nation, we are blessed.
Professor Scrub.

ps - Would you care to join me for a pint at our local pub and back to mine for a smoke of crack and a good old sing song to celebrate?

Archbishop Rasputin

noreply@blogger.com (Prof Scrub) — Sun, 10 Feb 2008 23:40:00 +0000

Dear Archbishop of Canterbury,

Whats all this ridiculous drivel about Sharia law and its implementations? Have you lost your tiny little mind? Have you been liaising with Osama Bin Laden again? I warned you not to.

Perhaps if you stopped modeling your looks on a similarly controversial religious figure in history, you may just get away with your nonsense. May I suggest a shave, a blonde wig and a pair of sunglasses. You would then be a very groovy archbishop. Perhaps even a single out for Christmas?

Prof Scrub

Bafoonio, where are your golden balls?

noreply@blogger.com (Prof Scrub) — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 19:07:00 +0000

Dear Mr Capello,

You are an ignorant ugly italian baffoonio. How dare you leave out our national jewels from the England Football Squad. David Beckham and his delicious golden balls are the pride of the nation and having his balls on display in an England shirt is the greatest sight for all hot blooded Englishmen and to a far lesser extent, English women.

I don't care if your Italian. I don't care if your English is so inadequate you don't understand a word I am writing. And so bloody what if you have won the Italian league, Spanish league and the so called Mickey Mouse European cup. So bloody what if Italy are the current world champions, you will never be an England manager.

I hope our dear David Beckham achieves his 100th cap, oh how I long to see him in his shorts, those muscular legs, that tight chest and his various glorious hairstyles. Oh how I wish to see him run around for me and my countrymen all day long, with or without a kit on.

I support you David, I always have, I have bought all your products and all the merchandise you advertise. I will continue to do so as long as your juicy balls remain english and golden.

As for you Mr Capello, go get your Versace handbag and piss off.

Ariverderci,
Fuming Prof Scrub.

Ryanair school girls

noreply@blogger.com (Prof Scrub) — Wed, 30 Jan 2008 18:23:00 +0000

Dear Ryanair,

May I commend you on your excellent advertisement displaying a semi-naked schoolgirl. May I also praise you on your absolute determination in refusing to withdraw the image despite those absolutely unnecessary complaints.

The photograph is very well taken, and is a very artistic image of a model dressed up as an alluring, innocent schoolgirl. I have enjoyed the image so much I have now posted it on my bedroom wall and it goes very well with my other collection of older females dressed up as schoolgirls. It certainly makes my male fantasy the even more real and I thank you for this. You have certainly made the schoolgirl uniform so much more erotic and this can only be a positive step.

I definitely now consider Ryanair as my number one airline. I am rather hoping ofcourse you change the uniform of your stewardesses to the same revealing and modern school uniform.

Prof Scrub

A Prayer to the Great Satellite in the sky

noreply@blogger.com (Prof Scrub) — Tue, 29 Jan 2008 16:36:00 +0000

Dear falling Space Satellite,

When you finally crash into the planet, please be kind enough to land on my neighbour's dog. The rascal has chewed on my last pair of see-through panties.

Yours panty-less,
Commando Prof Scrub

Vending Pot!

noreply@blogger.com (Prof Scrub) — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 18:16:00 +0000

Dear Brierly Country and Golf Club,

I would like to petition for a new addition to the current refectory at your wonderful Country Club. Firstly, let me for the record state that your establishment is excellent and has the best facilities in the land by a country mile, excuse the intended pun. I feel privileged to be a member of such an exclusive club and certainly enjoy the delights of ladies tennis night and the under 16 boys swimming gala.

I would like to make a most notable suggestion to improve your present dining facilities. Having recently returned from a trip to our beloved friends in the United States of America, I have recently discovered a new form of obtaining marijuana. One simply enters the set fee into a standard vending machine and out comes the required ounces of pot, ready and rolled. I believe this idea is very advanced and forward thinking. As your establishment is the leading country club in the United Kingdom, I would perhaps suggest the club obtain this vending machine as an added facility for its private members.

This easy to use and easy access machine would certainly help the likes of myself and other upstanding members of the community obtaining weed - far better then having to obtain it from those rastafarians, ragamuffins and hoodlums outside the Royal Ends Pub on a Saturday Night. Far less bothersome indeed. Being rich and upper class, we should be able to smoke a fat one without getting our hands dirty. Jeeves!

I hope you take this into consideration at your next AGM.

Yours Sincerely,
Prof Scrub

McDegree

noreply@blogger.com (Prof Scrub) — Sun, 27 Jan 2008 22:43:00 +0000

Dear McDonalds,

I am quite thrilled to hear of your new educational programme for your staff, allowing these bright young and talented individuals to obtain nationally recognised qualifications.

As a frequent diner in your fine establishment, I shall now look forward to my orders being taken immaculately, my burgers being flipped expertly, my fries being perfectly crispy and my milkshakes refreshingly tasty.

With all your staff having such new qualifications, I have no doubt I will enjoy my McDonalds experience a great deal more.

As always, I'm lovin it
Prof Scrub.

Quantum of Prof Scrub

noreply@blogger.com (Prof Scrub) — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 20:36:00 +0000

Dear Bond, James Bond,

You may have the looks. You may have the car. You may have the gadgets. You may have the girls. You may have the excitement. You may have the passion. But let me tell you Bond, it doesnt last forever.

Back in the 1940's, I too had it all. I had secret missions - defusing bombs, rescuing hostages, assassinations, kidnapping goats, spying on naked girls, etc. I had false identities - Boris the Three wheeled cab driver, Maurice the sheep herder, Bruce the rastafarian, Tik Tak the chinese assassin. I had the girls, the scores of russian and chinese hookers and multiple unprotected orgies.

But alas James, such things eventually come to an end. I am warning you now, you may think it lasts forever - it doesnt. You will soon grow old and all you will look forward to is spending the entire evening looking for your favourite slippers. Now where did I put them again?

The names Scrub, Prof Scrub.

The Norovirus strikes!

noreply@blogger.com (Prof Scrub) — Sun, 13 Jan 2008 21:23:00 +0000

Dear 3 million UK victims of the norovirus,

Let me offer my deepest sympathies for all those affected by this dreaded, vile and ghastly bug. I know the pain you are enduring. I too, my dear infected friends, have been struck down by this evil creature. It is a punishing, spirit destroying and asshole ripping ordeal. The vomitting! The diarrhoea! The pungent odour that fills my infected nostrils! I am no longer able to wear my favourite Y-Fronts with an image of Her Majesty the Queen on the backside for fear of leaving a brown streak across her beautiful royal cheek.

I do so hope this turmoil will end so I can lead a normal and sexually promiscuous life again rather then chained to the ceramic seat of my unforgiving toilet. In fact, I write this very letter as I sit on the throne, defaecating painfully a river of muddy, watery, norovirus infested faeces.

Yours, unhappily sitting on the bog,
Prof Scrub.

National Screening Of Politicians

noreply@blogger.com (Prof Scrub) — Wed, 09 Jan 2008 19:46:00 +0000

Dear Gordie,

I am very pleased to hear your announcement of increased funding for screening programmes in our great National Health Service. Screening for such important diseases as cancer, heart disease and aneurysms is a wonderful service and saves countless lives. Your ideology of "prevention rather than cure" is noble and with your new initiative, perhaps the health of our nation will improve yet further.

I would also like to initiate a new screening programme - one that will further improve our great nation and restore it to its former glory. This screening programme will save hundreds and thousands of lives, alleviate innocent suffering and promote the health of the nation as well as the world. It aims to prevent unacceptable and untrustworthy politicans getting into positions of authority and ruining the nation. I call it a National Screening Of Politicians. Here are the screening criteria I propose:

NO LIARS

NO SLEAZEBALLS

NO CLOWNS

NO OFFSPRING OF THE DEVIL

NO TERRORISTS

NO PATRONISING PRICKS

NO RELATIONSHIP WITH THE CHEEKY GIRLS

ABSOLUTELY NO SCOTSMEN

Mr Brown, I think you will find if you employ this new screening programme, many many lives will be bettered. If we can "prevent" these ridiculous characters from entering into the public domain in the first place, we will not have to clear and "cure" the disasters they create. These valuable criteria should be screened before they are even considered for office. I urge you to start screening as soon as possible,

Your public health servant,
Prof Scrub

Walmart MP3 player porn - order your copies now!

noreply@blogger.com (Prof Scrub) — Sat, 29 Dec 2007 09:24:00 +0000

Dear Walmart,

I understand you are now stocking MP3 players at selective stores preloaded with porn. I think this is an exceptional idea and a great niche market. I am very excited by this gap in the market and would like to make a business proposal.

If you require an outlet or reseller in the UK, I am happy to take on this project. I am in contact with many students who would be thrilled by such a product and would pay competitive prices. I would be able to guarantee you a healthy profit and we could expand to other devices preloaded with porn. Computers, Cameras and even digital photo frames could be preloaded with buyer specific porn categories. We could make a fortune!

If however this business venture is not feasible currently, perhaps I could purchase just one of these preloaded mp3 players for personal use.

Do you ship to the UK?

Prof Scrub

Play Queen TV

noreply@blogger.com (Prof Scrub) — Mon, 24 Dec 2007 09:41:00 +0000

Dear Ma'am,

Your Majesty, your Highness, your Sexy Excellence,

May I write to say how utterly overjoyed I am to learn of your new Royal YouTube Channel! Such prime and exclusive video footage of yourself is everything I could have ever hoped for. Your kind gesture of revealing your inner beauty and ravishing outer body to us devoted male followers is truly inspiring.

YouTube is certainly an excellent platform to launch your modeling and adult entertainment career and will certainly give you the exposure such a sexy woman like yourself deserves. This years Christmas speech will certainly be one of the most popular ever and I will definitely have a box of tissues ready for when the action starts!

Your Brilliance, may I also make one further request now that you have stimulated us to such extreme. Perhaps, if your YouTube channel is as successful as it deserves to be, you would consider expanding to a subscription only service for your more devoted fans. One in which we could view some more exclusive and behind the scenes footage of yourself, perhaps a little more revealing, a little more scintillating? This, I can assure you my Grace, will truly transform you from a Queen to a Goddess and allow you to become the global superstar you deserve to be.

Just a little more leg Ma'am, its all I crave.

Your royal worshipper,
Prof Scrub

I would certainly pay a subscription for more photos like these Ma'am.

Blair, join a cult!

noreply@blogger.com (Prof Scrub) — Sat, 22 Dec 2007 15:20:00 +0000

Dear Tony,

May I congratulate you on your new found religion and may I hope you find peace, serenity and salvation in your new faith. The Catholic church is a fine church and I am sure you will make a devout and loyal follower.

However, I must express my deepest disappointment that you did not choose a religion or cult that would have not only made you happy but also bought peace into our world.

Mr Blair, although I admire your choice of religion, perhaps you should have chosen a cult that has a suicide pact. Surely the only path to true enlightenment is to enter a suicide pact with your fellow world leaders, thus ridding the world of all its evil.

Can you imagine the peace you would bring to the world if your cult and suicide mission included infamous world leaders such as yourself, your husband Mr Bush, Kim Jong-Il, Ahmadinejad, Mr Musharraf and ofcourse your good old friend Osama.

Mr Blair, there will be mass celebrations on Earth if you would join in such a pact with these fellows. Your religion would truly be exalted as the finest religion that ever existed. Indeed, your cult of political leaders could even chose their act of suicide - with any choice of weapons, whether it be chemical, biological or nuclear. We would all be very happy for your to look yourself in a room filled with cyclosarin! Or even a bomb onto your place of worship whilst you are performing your religious rituals.

I think Tony, you would agree, that you joining a suicide pact in a religious cult movement would not only bring you happiness and joy, but also the rest of the world. Please consider this as your one true chance to repent your evil sins and bring joy and harmony to mankind.

I shall look forward to your conversion to this cult with great anticipation,
Your good news angel,
Prof Scrub!

Lets get phyical, not chemical

noreply@blogger.com (Prof Scrub) — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 21:13:00 +0000

Dear Sex offenders, paedophiles and all round nasty people,

You maybe delighted with the government's new announcement that they will be offering yourselves and those of your ilk the opportunity to voluntarily castrate yourself with medications. They say that some of you chaps are desperately struggling with whats going on in your lives and want help.

Well, let me be the first to say boo, hoo, hoo. I for one have no sympathy for your calibre of criminal. Until you can take away the permanency of the damage you have inflicted on those innocent victims, until you can take away their physical pain and psychological suffering, your punishment should also be permanent.

Voluntary chemical castration? I think you have the government wrapped around your small little penises. I as a retired surgeon, will be proposing a new form of treatment for your desperate attempt to improve your criminal urges and pathetic lives.

I have written to my MP, offering a cheaper and longer term option - a complete involuntary physical castration for all sex offenders. It will be an inexpensive and highly effective procedure. I propose to cut costs by not requiring an operating theatre nor any anaesthetic expertise. Certainly I would not waste any public money on antiseptic products or aseptic technique. As a gesture of goodwill, I will even waive my own enormous consultancy rates. All I will need is a table and my trusty knife.

This procedure not only serves as an effective punishment but also an effective treatment for your disease, thus killing two birds/balls with one simple cut.

I hope to obtain approval for this new service as soon as possible.

Your formerly retired surgeon,
Prof Scrub.

Malibu Police: Seriously Easy Going

noreply@blogger.com (Prof Scrub) — Tue, 12 Jun 2007 22:17:00 +0000

Dear Chief Inspector of the Jamaican Police Force,

I'll drink and smoke whatever your officers have been drinking and smoking for the last few months because it has clearly made their job seriously easy going.

Your seriously stressed out Prof - in desparate need of a vacation to the Carribean,
Prof Scrub

The Hilton Residence

noreply@blogger.com (Prof Scrub) — Sun, 10 Jun 2007 18:32:00 +0000

Dear darling Paris,

To see you dear, my darling, my beloved, crying and weeping as you are forced to reenter that hellish prison, just breaks my heart.

My beautiful Paris, do not cry. You won't be long in there, you don't belong in there. You are too fabulous darling and just too marvelous to live like those peasants banged away for horrific and unspeakable crimes. You are not one of those Paris, never forget that. Remember you are better then those filthy scum, you are worth more, you are above them in every possible way.

I ask this cruel world, what was your crime? A driving offense? I don't believe it. They are just jealous dear, jealous of your fame, your wealth, your success. Goodness knows Paris, goodness knows you did nothing but give the world glamour and glitz and beauty. Is there a crime in that? Do you deserve this? It is a conspiracy, I am sure. I will get to the bottom of it, I will find out who has done this to you. I will seek vengeance.

Be brave my dear, it is only 45 days in the slammer. Sure it is not 5 star accommodation but its not too bad. Close your eyes, imagine you are in my arms in the Hilton residence, just like that night we spent together many years ago. I hope this thought of you and me together will keep you strong.

I will wait on the outside for you my love. I will wait each day thinking about you, praying for you - and when those corrupt scumbags finally release you, I will be here for you, welcoming you with open arms and open legs.

Yours faithfully, waiting for the day you are released,
Prof Scrub

Resitance: Fall Of Church

noreply@blogger.com (Prof Scrub) — Sat, 09 Jun 2007 21:38:00 +0000

Dear Manchester Cathedral,

What on Earth are you complaining about? I have strong objections to your objections to the Sony game: Resistance: Fall of Man.

Firstly, let me start by saying Resistance: Fall of Man is an excellent game on the Playstation 3. I have spent many hours and days fighting all the nasty aliens and Chimera in this awe-inspiring game. There is nothing more satisfying then blowing up aliens with grenades, bazookas, rifles and shotguns after a long day at the office. In particular, there is nothing wrong with blowing up aliens in churches either, as this I believe, is where aliens are most likely to hide (so my sources tell me).

The Church is not new to controversy and not unused to violence. Religion itself has a catalogue of evils deeds and a violent history more develish than any Playstation 3 game. In fact, comparing the history of the Church to any Playstation game is similar to comparing a pitbull terrier to a poodle.

Perhaps I can explain my views with a few illustrations of violence associated with religion:

The crusades:

The Klu Klux Klan:
The Spanish Inquisition:

The holocaust:

Religions have always been strongly associated with violence and the Church is no exception. Therefore please do not complain when a highly addicitve game involving guns, shooting and general all round killing fun is associated with your cathedral.

It is a valuable mind controlling history lesson for the wannabe killers out there.

Yours hiding under the alter, grenade in hand,
Prof Scrub

British Society for Sexual Medicine

noreply@blogger.com (Prof Scrub) — Sat, 26 May 2007 16:38:00 +0000

Disclaimer: Prof Scrub is not officially or unofficially associated with the British Society for Sexual Medicine.

Dear loyal scrubs,

I apologise whole-heartedly for my noted absense. I am afraid you must all realise and accept that I am a busy man with priorities other then my loyal fans.

For the past few months, I have been on a wild tour to foreign countries promoting the British Society for Sexual Medicine. However, this little known society needs a lot more publicity.

Thanks to their work and research, this society has helped me overcome many of my failings and diseases. I no longer have gonorrhea and my warts have cleared up a treat. My problems with impotence and prematrue ejaculation are now firmly in the past and let me tell you, the foreign women I met on tour can vouch for this!

Having promoted this wonderful society (website: BSSM: British Society for Sexual Medicine), I am now considering establishing a new medical society entirely. Rather than BSSM, I want to establish BDSM - The British Dominatrix Society of Medicine. This I believe would have a profound following in the medical profession, where we study and research the best medical practice of bondage and domination.

I recommend biannually meetings where the dress code is leather and chains.

I am looking for the first member, who will join?

Your new president,
Prof Scrub

Supermarkets to host GP practices

noreply@blogger.com (Prof Scrub) — Mon, 19 Mar 2007 18:17:00 +0000

Dear Tescos,

I am a little uneasy of this rumour I have heard that my local GP practice will be moving into my local supermarket.

Now, please do not misunderstand me, I have nothing against your firm or any of the other lesser supermarket (e.g. Asda) but the thought of my GP being present in the supermarket is rather worrying.

How will it work? Will I have to queue in aisle with my shopping whilst I wait for my haemorrhoids to be examined? How do I know if the fine woman behind me hasnt just had a cervical smear? Has that crying child in the aisle just been diagnosed with chicken pox or is it that he just wants a bag of maltesers?

What concerns me the most is the thought of my GP dressed in Tesco uniform. I am scared he may not know the diagnosis or the latest treatment. Will I suddenly hear over the loud speaker tannoy system:

"Can I have a medication check, what is the latest treatment for chlamydia?".

Embarassing to say the least. I hope Tescos and other supermarkets seriously consider this before hosting my local GP practice.

Your worried Prof,
Prof Scrub

MMcDonalds

noreply@blogger.com (Prof Scrub) — Fri, 16 Mar 2007 20:22:00 +0000

Dear MMcDonalds,

I am writing a letter of complaint regarding the performance of your staff. I realise you have recently employed some highly qualified, well trained staff that (supposedly) all have a degree in medicine.

Although I commend this action and applaud your efforts in reducing the unemployment levels of junior doctors, it does result in a rather unsatisfactory service.

Many of your new staff will only serve me diet coke as they say my diabetes is poorly controlled. Others will not supply mayonaise for my Big Macs in a bid to reduce my calorie intake. And what may I ask are the low fat fries all about? I am tired of going into MMcDonalds for a happy meal only for your staff to say that my BMI is dangerously high.

If I wanted health care advice, I would browse the internet, thank you very much. I certainly would not register for a check up in the new fangled NHS.

So please MMcDonalds, I beg you, train your staff properly so I can enjoy my unhealthy meals without a guilt trip.

Your overweight professor,
Prof Scrub

Ban on junk food ads!

noreply@blogger.com (Prof Scrub) — Sun, 25 Feb 2007 17:24:00 +0000

Dear obese children,

Stand up and unite - fight for your fatty rights! Stand up and be counted and be weighed! Use the full force of your pounds to some use for a change rather then just loaf at home whining about being hungry.

You have every right to eat what you like and be as fat, porky and as chubby as you please. Most of all, you have a fundamental human right to watch all the fun junk food ads there are on TV. They are a source of delight and humour in an otherwise dry collection of ads for car insurance, legal "no win no fees" scams and baby nappies.

I too love junk food ads. They are some of my favourite ads and I like to sing along to the tunes. I tap my feet, bounce on the sofa and hum away to all those classic ads. If we have a ban on junk foods, I fear I will lose many TV friends that I have developed over my life. Where will they go? Who will look after them. We will lose friends such as:

Tony - he's grrreeaaaaatttt

Big Ron - I often dress like him on my weekend off.

The big man himself, the cuddly honey monster

And who could forget this big eared baffoon:

I will miss them all terribly unless you useless fat children stand up and roll your weight against the government!

The prof would rather have a bowl of co-co pops,
Prof Scrub

Slap me baby one more time

noreply@blogger.com (Prof Scrub) — Sun, 18 Feb 2007 23:21:00 +0000

Dear bald Britney,

Britney, your head is such a slapper and like it. I like it a lot. There is nothing that is more appealing then a shiny slapper. You maybe going through a rough patch but this hairstyle is definitely a positive step. It will attract the right crowd, the more sophisticated guy who has a deep desire for the freakish girl. I would love to massage your head, I would love to stroke it, and mostly, I would love to play your head like a bongo drum, maybe to the tune of "Slap me baby one more time".

Baby Spears, please don't grow your hair long again. If you do however, decide to go against my advice and regrow those locks, I have some ideas for you for future hair styles. I hope you consider them seriously.

Your slap happy Prof,
Prof Scrub